When we were born we needed not to be taught to depend on others.
In fact, right from the womb, all the papers have been signed between mom and child that it will heavily depend on her. And then there is this entry in to the world with grand style, everybody stands at attention, showering all their affections on the child though temporary, and the child is assured that the agreement still stands.
It doesn’t take a full week before the child begins to notice that there seems to be a breach of agreement. No doubt! She just have to exclaim, “Am I only living for you?…Oh my God…I’ve got other things to do, can’t I just be?” (Yes, there are other things to do and I wonder why this baby won’t understand) Anyways! This child doesn’t seem to back down nor pity his mom (plus dad); in fact he becomes more demanding. He must see to it that such an article of great importance is honored at all cost. Justice must be upheld! Well, the lesson is clear. The child is completely dependent. And there’s nothing anybody can do about it!
Just a few years down the line, the whole scenario is reversed. The child seems to pay back every single dime of complaint, disgust, murmuring and neglect. And you know what? Mom also wants him matter-of-factly to become more dependent on her. Instinct tells the child to learn to do things alone. “I’m no longer a baby, pleaseeee!” Mom still wants him to involve her…. He is wondering why he can’t make his own decisions. They are both disillusioned at this turn of event.
Yet, after teenage years and adolescence have taken it’s toll and marriage beckons; he is greeted into another reality entirely. Now, it is neither dependence nor independence; it is interdependence. We’ve all come a long way! Dependence was necessary to establish us and position us properly according to our identities (in an ideal situation); and independence is required for self-expression in the form of talents and skills as well as the scholarship of experience and education.
In the last and final stage, these two different, almost mutually-exclusive categories are brought together. They must work hand in hand to deliver this young man as a darling, primarily in his personal pursuits of significance as well as in all his relationships. If he will not be frustrated on either of these two fronts, he must move from independence to interdependence; which is been independent while you are dependent still. Does that make sense?
Image from Google